The Thirteenth Apostle



The Apostle Bendrite
(as imagined by Rev. Louis Mayonaise Shirt)

"But, no one in the history of faith-based monopolies has taken more heat, and found himself deleted for his troubles, than the previously unknown Apostle Bendrite."

A Modest Proposal

A Modest Proposal, a photo by captainpandapants on Flickr.

NRA Chief David Keen is “KEEN” on NRA Movement and Toilet Safety

Dave Keen knows when its time for a movement…you might say he’s an expert.  Before he was elected to the top post at the NRA, he was a recognized expert on movements.  “When you gotta go, you GOTTA GO!” he chuckled in a January 11 interview.  “Denying a movement is the worst thing you can do for the health of the body, and this is true of nations, too…”

(Keen demonstrating Ruger’s new .22 Caliber semi-automatic tampon with string trigger)

He noted that when the ‘monster wants to get out’, denying it causes issues of severe bodily distress.  Identity issues can ensue.

“The time has come…mankind is ready to give birth to the first ‘semi-auto’ nation on earth…from the rump of repression and sphincter of dictatorship will be born a shining bronze vessel of hope, freedom and fire-power.” 

Being ready is what matters most for Keen.  He sees weak spots in the national shield of preparedness, however, and has some insightful suggestions (which may later become laws for everyone over 8 months of age).  “Watch your dog when you take him or her for a walk sometime. When they interface with the earth…drop a load…take a dump…just look at them.  They are totally vulnerable to attack by almost anything, from a crazed wolf to a rabid lemming.  Herein lays the problem for America.” Keen sees the moment of ‘movement’ as one which could be exploited by communists, socialists or Muslims.  But there is a solution. 

 

“When relieving yourself outside, it’s easy to be armed, although being watchful might be harder…but it’s possible.  But, when in the comfort of your own bathroom, in your fortified home surrounded by razor wire and pressure-release mines, you need something extra.”  But all is not lost!  Keen says the NRA is working with Savage Firearms to come up with a waterproof handgun and 80 round clip that can survive months of submersion in toilet tanks.

  

If successful, it will solve many problems, and fill a major gap in the national two-ply defense proposed by the NRA.  Additionally, the submerged weapon can save on water, reducing each flush by at least a quart, and even more if spare clips are stored in the tank as well.  There’s no end to what guns can do for you!         

NRA Plan to Make Schools Safe

Since 2005 contributions from gun industry "corporate partners" to the NRA total between $14.7 million and $38.9 million.  What's the payoff for that kind of financial support?  (Hint---its more than a patriotic love for the Bill Of Rights.)  When the NRA makes you afraid of your own government and the coming economic dinintegration, sales go up for its sponsors.  Why is this hard to piece together?  Its a money game.   

If this is what America is coming to, thanks to the NRA and its corporate sponsors...we're finished. 



Some days you get the chicken and some days you get the rat.  Life's like that.